Hey when you stay up till midnight drinking coffee and binging on House of Cards with the hubby, 6 am comes early. Too early, and I hit snooze -twice. By snooze I mean I ignored the butt nudge from hubby, then the kick 15 mins later when I was still firmly ensconced in blankets.
I am not a morning person. I don’t set my own alarm. He hates that about me. But he has lovingly (or mostly lovingly) been waking me up, often three or four times a morning for 16 years, so I must have other redeeming qualities that keep him around.
Since I ignored snooze one and two, I was running late. I use late loosely since it is my regular routine recently. I was picking up a friend who needed a ride to work today, so I literally sprang from bed, grabbed the leggings from the basket of clothes that never found a hanger this weekend (its Thursday), and the first dress I could lay hands on, and ran to the shower.
I ask myself every time I do this, why I don’t just get up the first time. I don’t enjoy the last broken minutes of sleep. I hate the traffic when I leave late, and rushing makes me crabby. I go through the usual self torture as I turn on the shower to heat up and load the toothpaste. Then I remember I need gas.
I run to the coffee pot and get it going. Race back to the bathroom ripping off my oh so sexy sweats on the way. Flinging my toothbrush into the sink, i lunge into a *cold* shower. Whooping loud enough to wake our new neighbors, but somehow not my children, I yank the water too far to hot. Now I need to use the curtain as a shield so I can reach the faucet.
I have wasted three precious minutes. I have 12 left before I need to tear out the door. I’m shampooing my hair with blue raspberry 3 in 1 for kids, and using my not so sweet 16’s face wash because all my stuff is still packed in my suitcase from an out of town training earlier in the week.
Somehow I get passably clean and tear back to the bedroom dripping wet. I forgot underwear on the 1st trip. My husband is still curled up in the middle of the bed. Feeling churlish, I shout a 5 second warning before turning on the light and dumping the rest of the laundry basket on the bed to find socks and undies I can make it through the day with. Precious moments are lost when I have to dump out my suitcase to find deodorant that does not smell like teen spirit.
Finally I pull on a flat pair of boots that can stand up to 2.5 hours of lunch duty, and the mile I will have to walk between the parking garage and my night class. I am feeling pretty good about my time. Only 3 minutes late. I grab items I will need to get through the day on the way to the kitchen: work badge, phone, textbooks, computer charger.
As I pack my three bags, out of the corner of my eye I see the blue flashing light on the Keurig. I forgot to hit brew. I consider skipping coffee for a millisecond then realize the insanity of that idea.
I abondon the pile run to hit brew , run back and pack, frantically search for my key, mix the coffee, lose the key, find it again, drag the bags to the door, fear I lost my phone, search through two of the bags to find it, search through both bags again to find the key that I had in my hand while looking for phone then almost walk out the door without coffee.
17 minutes late. I still need gas and have to pick up my friend. I suck at mornings. I didn’t even notice the hole until 2:30pm. Its 3 inches long. My underwear are also inside out.
How am I even a grown up?